In life always try to do what is right not what is easy. look at a situation and think what does Allah require me to do? And how would RasulAllah ﷺ act?
Acting In such a way has got to be the most difficult thing you can ever do because it completely breaks you in inside. You say it kills you but what is it killing? Your nafs.
Being so strong does sometimes comes at the cost of having to break down every now and again when you find yourself knocked down. No one understands the pain but Allah and you help yourself find this self motivated strength to get back up again. It's a cycle of pain, but that's the life Allah had planned for you. Just turn to Allah whatever the situation may be and if you have Allah know you will always be okay. and that's this thing you will always have Allahs! He's closer to you than you jugular vein. So remember him and he will remember you.
Every time your heart feels heavy and you want to breakdown recite the beautiful praises of our beloved RasulAllah ﷺ to help calm your heart.
Just don't ever give up try and try and try again no matter how many times you get knocked down. Allah swt loves those who try!
InshaAllah if you don't see the rewards of your perseverance in this life you will surely see it in the next. You will feel so at peace with Allah you'll forget everything you ever went through
And remember Jannah is forever..it's this wordly life that will one day, eventually come to an end.
Please remember me in your Duas